One of my favourites is also the Belle of Barnstaple. I transcribed the words, learnt them and delivered it to our virtual folk group last week accompanied by my wife on banjolele. It was very well received - mostly due to the great lyrics methinks!

So, here they are - by way of a thanks for all those lyrics that I have grabbed from mudcat - with grateful appreciation.

She was a broad-beamed bouncy beautiful brown-as-a berry bumpkin Belle from Barnstaple - In love with the Constable
A flat-footed big-booted broad-chested ham-fisted Constable ..............in Barnstaple
And together they fought and play ; Chase each other through the h-------ay field
When she shouted don’t you dare you dirty dashing devil don’t you dare – Chase me there
And he cavorting laughing snorting leaping peeping at her underwear - Devil may care
I’m an ordinary country girl, And you’ve set my heart in a whirl
With your whiskery face and a strap under his chin
You’re a regular disgrace, I think i’m ready to give in.

No I’ve got me job to do, I’ve got to be off to wash and scrub the fort of a toff in Barnstaple; He’s very amenable
He pats me bottom ever so wary, says my child, I think you’re very suitable – in Barnstaple
But his lady wife is not so keen; She says I should be heard not seeeeeen there
And ever since she caught her spouse a’chasing me with his trousers down in the East wing – “most embarrassing”
And another time she discovered him a lying and waiting in the cupboard in the West wing – “most embarrassing”
And she never will forget the day; When she overheard him say
I’ve fought for all my titles; if only she’d begin
She’s torturing my vitals; I think I’m ready for a gin.

Well what are we going to do with her; she’s setting everyone’s heart a stir in Barnstaple, especially the Constable
The fireman’s going right off his head and the baker’s putting nails in his bread for the Constable...in Barnstaple
Whenever she passes by; everybody stops to s-------igh and stare
Now the vicar’s in a heck of a stew, he can’t take his eyes off a certain pew at evensong; Ding Dong
The choirboys forget to sing and the deacon he forgets to ring the ding dong – at evensong
And they never will forget the day – when the vicar knelt down to pray
Thy kingdom come on earth below – Thy will be done within
Thy kingdom’s in the second row – Oh Lord please let me in.

Oh well alas this jolly state of affairs was just too much for the women to bear in Barnstaple – very regrettable
The Women’s Institute they yelled that the likes of her should be expelled from Barnstaple – very regrettable
And so it was that on that day – The Constable he took her awa------y from there
And off they went together on their bicycles through the heather to another town – where they could settle down
And he could join the Constabulary and she could raise a family in another town – where they could settle down
And I have often heard it say – That to this very day
Once a year in Barnstaple – a strange event takes place
The men all leave their wives bedtime – and the vicar forgets his grace

And off they go into the night – and when they return in the morning light
It takes their wives a year to wipe - their smile from off their face