My long-dead old aunt, a dyed-in-the-wool northerner, often did coach trips to France with her pals. She oft regaled us with details of their visits to Sackrer Sewer and Noatrer Dame (as in pantomime dame), and her idea of getting French shopkeepers to understand her was to speak her English louder and slower:

"Ah said, 'OW...MUCH...DUZ...THIS...ASHTRAY...COST...?"