Milly, this sounds like something a friend went through recently. Fortunately she was at the other end of the relationship. He had asked her to move in with him. She was seriously considering it. As we talked I asked about any complications in following her dream of becoming a midwife. Her response was that he had said he would LET her follow that dream. I stopped her there and asked her to repeat that portion of her statement. She did, and she still didn't get it. So I asked her to rephrase it in such a way that it wouldn't sound like he was giving her his permission. She couldn't and she finally got it. With that the door opened and understanding of the nature of the relationship dawned. Shortly after that she terminated that relationship.

My point is that it is easy to blind oneself to the shortcomings of a potential partner, or to the shortcomings of a long term partner. When the light dawns you have to realize you cannot change him/her. Either you continue to live with it or you bail out. It sounds like you are ready to bail. Do it.