Seeing as this song will hopefully soon only be useful as an historical document, here it is for posterity.

A COZY COVID CHRISTMAS.

It’s a cozy Covid Christmas not what we’ve had before.
Everybody’s ordered presents from a famous website store.
They’ve done it all at once to make the postage free
And now the boxes have arrived and their piled beneath the tree.

CH. There’s a book by a celebrity who’s just been in the news,
A calendar of the Lake District with rather splendid views,
A box of chocs from Weight watchers and loads and loads of booze,
And a voucher for a parachute jump you’re never going to use

You’ve never had to sit before and search from screen to screen.
Thinking what would suit a friend, who for months you haven’t seen
Then the thing that you decide on, they’ve just sold the last one
And you end up with a token and a “Bumper book of fun”

You decorate the Christmas tree and festoon it with lights
You scrounge some berried holly from some garden-center sites.
A little Santa’s grotto in the corner of the room
So it all looks very glamorous when you’re sitting there on Zoom

The parcels keep on coming, each one bigger than before.
They’re stuffed with crumpled paper and bubble-wrap galore.
Recycling all that packaging will really be a pain
You’ll never get your green credentials up to scratch again.

And then the day arrives at last, you’re on your own, but Lo!
Your family are on the screen, in boxes, row on row.
You open presents one by one and murmur “Oh how kind”
As you strip away the paper and this is what you find:

It’s time for Christmas dinner and you’re eating by yourself.
The turkey is enormous and it’s bent the oven shelf.
You’ve never eaten quite so much you’re vastly overfed
Thank God for all the toilet rolls you’ve stashed inside the shed.

It’s a cozy Covid Christmas, but remember, never fear.
If the politicians don’t sort it out there’s another one next year!


Merry Christmas

Robin