THE BALLAD OF FERGIE McCORMICK
(Marcus Turner)

Now, Fergie McCormick was walking one day
When he noticed a building on fire
The screams of a woman could plainly be heard
Through the flames as they soared ever higher
The trembling lady was clutching a baby
The building was ten stories high
It could plainly be seen that both she and the child
Were most certainly doomed for to die

Now the firemen were there with their ropes and their ladders
And holding a big trampoline
Though they tried to enourage the lady to jump
She was patently not very keen
For the babe was too small to survive such a fall
And so she refused to let go
What could they do, they were right in the stew
As they helplessly gazed from below

The up stepped the hero - ‘Tis Fergie McCormick’, he cried
‘Throw your baby to me
Fear not I will catch it, from death I shall snatch it
And safe in my arms it will be’
Now, the big fullback's arms and his masculine charms
Allayed all the young mother's fears
She cried, ‘Bless you Fergie!’
Then tossed her child over the edge, as her eyes filled with tears

Now, the rest of this story will long be remembered
In legend throughout all the land
For there, on the ground, as the crowd gathered round
The wee babe landed safe in his hands
‘He's rescued the child’, said the crowd, going wild
The excitement was plainly too much.
As they all stared in wonder, with a swift up-and-under
He kicked forty metres for touch

Youtube clip

The tune is 'The Catalpa'.

I first heard the joke some decades ago told in a pub session by Ted Egan. In that telling, the hero was an AFL high flyer by the name of Safe Hands Flanagan who bounced the babe three times and kicked him through a bakery door. The story is also often told with a soccer goalie as hero.

--Stewie.