THE PORK BARREL SONG by of former Mudcatter Chris Maltby 2021 – Tune: “Travelling Down the Castlereagh”
Written for the 8th John Dengate Memorial Get Together,
video of the entire Zoom concert Chris's contribution starts about 1.01:

My name it is Scott Morrison, I like to speak in tongues,
There’s nothing I like better than slithering up the rungs
But when it comes to leadership, I haven’t got a clue
So to win the next election boys, I’ll tell you what I’ll do:

Pork, boys, pork – there’s not the smallest doubt,
We’ll need a lot of pork or we’ll be voted out
I’ll whistle up Josh Friedenberg, he also loves a lurk
And we’ll gussy up the budget for a bit more pork.

There’s always an inducement or a scam a vote to buy,
Building women’s change rooms or car parks in the sky
Bridget’s got a spreadsheet all black, blue and pink
To identify the marginals and cover up the stink.

And it’s cash, boys, cash – there’s never any doubt,
Announce loads of cash or we’ll be voted out
It’s easy making promises when you rarely have to pay
Just don’t forget the donors and you’ll be OK.

Now if there is a crisis, well I don’t hold a hose
Quarantine or vaccines you can stick ‘em up your nose
I’ll just make more announcements, they’ll never seem to stop
I’ve got a new one ready whenever any flop.

And it’s dodge, boys, dodge – there’s never any doubt,
I can’t be held responsible or I’ll be voted out
I’ll background all the media, and other clever lurks
Rupert will protect me, that’s how the system works.

So he’s got a useless front bench and women he can’t stand,
It’s plunder and destruction all across the land
This sorry tale of Scummo, you know it’s bloody true,
Take my advice, just listen and I’ll tell you what to do.

So it’s shift, boys, shift – there isn’t the slightest doubt,
If you want a bloody future, you’ll have to vote him out
Go tell your friends and neighbours, use body, heart and soul
And remember on election day to dump him in a hole.