VASSAR HYGIENE SONG

Oh, we never used to bathe till we heard the Doctor rave
In the lectures that she gave how to behave;
Now we take our daily bath even though we miss our math.
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.
When we grow older, then we'll be bolder,
We'll take it colder, up to the shoulder.
This we must do every day, even though we pass away.
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.

Oh, we always used to weep when we heard the chickens peep
In the boiled eggs that we eat every old week,
Now we eat them every day; pepper takes the taste away.
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.
When we grow bolder, we'll take them older,
Hotter or colder, what if they moulder?
Nothing but the egg is lacking; still we have the sawdust packing.
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.

Oh, we always used to hate to be told to sit up straight;
Now our posture's simply great, early and late.
Keep your head up and your waist in, don't forget about your chin.
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.
When we grow older, we won't be told to
Keep a straight shoulder---it'll come natural.
When you bend up like a bow, where do all your organs go?
All of this you ought to know; she told us so.

Let us pause in admiration of the racial obligation,
And amoeba's propagation of his generation,
'Twas an epoch-making spasm, rent in twain his protoplasm.
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.
As he grew older, the sea grew colder,
Making him strong to linger no longer.
He developed respiration, then maternal abnegation,
Hence the present generation; she told us so.

Let us sing in dulcet tones all about the new hormones
That have taught our little rabbits scientific mating habits,
In each sexless little cell, bashful bunnies do quite well.
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.
As they grow older, they will grow bolder,
No more sterility, only fertility,
They will never be frustrate, but will only propagate,
And maintain that high birth rate; she told us so!

She goes to Vassar, none can surpass her,
She is the stroke of the varsity crew.

    And in my future life, she's gonna be my wife.
    How in the world do you know that? She told me so.

My girl's from Thmith, thhe talkth like thith,
Thhe taught me how to kith. I love her tho....

My girl's from Holyoke, she taught me how to smoke,
She knows a dirty joke, now I know one too....

My girl's from Radcliffe, she is a big stiff,
And she gets sore at me when I tell her so....

My girl's from Wheaton, she takes a beatin',
And when she's feeling good, I take one too....

My girl's from Skidmore, she is an awful bore,
She never knows the score, boy don't I know!...

My girl's from Middlebury, she is extraordinary,
She's built just like a fairy, three hundred pounds or so....

My girl's from Wellesley, she always tells me
I'm bats in the belfry, but I love her anyhow....

My girl's from MIT, she is a travesty,
Girls who go for engineering are not so hot appearing....

My girl's from Alpha Xi, says her only drink is tea,
But she isn't fooling me, I've seen her sip a brew or two....

My girl's from PJC, I taught her how to ski,
Now she's sitting in a tree, two hundred feet below....

My girl's from Connecticut, she knows her etiquette,
She taught me how to pet, now I do it too....

(falsetto:)
My man's from DOC, he taught me how to ski,
He wrapped me 'round a tree, and now won't even look at me....
And in my future life I'm gonna be his wife.
How in the world does he know that? I told him so.

My man's from Yale, he lands in jail,
From drinking too much gin---ger ale....


The above version is from The New Song Fest.

Also see https://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=54727