LANDLUBBER'S SHANTY © Bruce Watson Bruce Watson Music

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Like all my songs, this is a true story, inspired by a rather unpleasant sailing experience.

I'll tell you of a story, lads, that happened once to me,
HEAVE, HAUL, HO, AND OPEN UP WIDE,
Of the only time that I went out upon the briny sea,
HEAVE FROM YOUR STOMACHS, LADS, AND CHUNDER OVER THE SIDE.

As I went out one Sunday arvo on Port Phillip Bay,
HEAVE....
The Captain said, "She's blowing lads, we'll get some waves today,
HEAVE....

My friends had all impressed on me how sailing was so easy,
If that's the case, excuse me asking why I feel so queasy?

While looking at the sea so green my face was getting greener,
Whoops! I didn't make it to the side, we'll have to call the cleaner!

The First Mate and the Skipper said the boat was going beautiful,
But I grew more in need of some assistance pharmaceutical.

I wanted to be like those men at sea, who all go, "Arrrghh!"
But when I tried to go like that it seemed to come out, "Yeuargh"

The Captain said, "Now heave that yard-arm mizzen to the tops'l",
I says, Bollocks to your bulwarks, man, you can stick it up your fo'c's'le!"

Well, finally we made for home, returned to terra firma,
I says, "The firmer it is the less terror there'll be," and went off without a murmur.

The owl and the pussycat went to sea in a beautiful pea-green craft,
But now I've had a go myself, I reckons they was daft!