The simplest thing to say about that odd post before this one, is that my old buried anger is coming up -- and the trigger is shame. It's too tedious and messy and private to spill about here. The year-end holidays plan is to spend them here at the clinic. Plans can change, but that's the plan, for now.
When my situation overwhelms me with discouragement at times, it is really helpful to consider that had I chosen differently in the past, my situation now would be altogether worse than it is. Helen is right about that one.