(Spoken) Avast! ye pack of hen-hearted Landlubbers, let an swaggering sea dog get past, I'm the meanest swashbuckler you'll ever meet, though I won’t be the last. Aye, we’re a prosperin’ breed, with more comin’ along. Make way, ye belly-crawling wharf-rats, while I sing my song.
I'm an old Deckhand from a Pirate Band, But my eye ain't patched and my cheeks ain't tanned, I'm a sailor, who ain’t never been to sea, Never tied a knot or sung a sea chantey, I just sit in the pub drinking’ rum and tea. Yo-ho-yo-ho-ho! Yo-ho-yo-ho-ho!
I'm an old Deckhand from a Pirate Band, And I learned to sail 'fore I learned to stand, I know every port on the Seven Seas From Madagascar to Saint Augustine, 'Cause I learnt them all watching Jeopardy. Yo-ho-yo-ho-ho! Yo-ho-yo-ho-ho!
I'm an old Deckhand from a Pirate Band, My boots are new and my duds are grand, They’re from every sea but they ain’t been wet, They’re authentic cloth and period correct, 'Cause I found them all on the Internet. Yo-ho-yo-ho-ho! Yo-ho-yo-ho-ho!
I'm an old Deckhand from a Pirate Band And my blades are sharp ‘nuf to slice smoked ham, My Dirks bejeweled with crystal rare, My Cutlass the finest Pakistani ware 'Cause I bought them both at a Renaissance Faire! Yo-ho-yo-ho-ho! Yo-ho-yo-ho-ho!
I'm an old Deckhand from a Pirate Band And I’ve dug for gold in the Florida sand, Got my hair done up all in tight cornrows, Heavy eye-liner ‘n fake teeth with holes, 'Cause I copied them all from Jack Sparrow Yo-ho-yo-ho-ho! Yo-ho-yo-ho-ho