THE AWFUL STORY OF BLACK SHAG
as told by Henry Kipper on Arrest These Merry Gentlemen

This is the tale of Black Shag, the huge horrible headless hound of Gimingham what used to hound us round our pads. That all began one cold dark Christmas Eve many years ago when Old Ephraim Kipper was on his way home from the Goat Inn, and he'd thought he'd take a short cut through Demon's Wood. But he was wrong cause it's a lot quicker if you stick to the wood but Old Ephraim wouldn't be told and he walked into the wood. Further and further and further he walked and darker and darker and darker that got until he couldn't see his hands in front of his face. Well, he had his hands in his pockets, as a matter of fact, but that didn't deter Ephraim. Onwards and onwards and onwards he walked until he reached the very heart of the forest. All he could see was trees. He looked to the right and he saw trees, he looked to the left and he saw trees. He turned and looked behind him and what do you thing he saw? More trees. Then he looked up at the sky and he saw stars. Well, he walked into one of the trees, you see, that's why, but as he laid there on the ground he heard it, an eerie sort of spine-curdling noise that went like this here: "Ooo ooo ooo", well something like that. And then he saw it, swinging through the trees towards him, a great huge, headless hound with eyes as big as saucers, "Black Shag", that came bounding up to Ephraim with his great jaws dripping saliva. And he really thought his number had come. But then, just as those great jaws were about to close on Ephraim's throat, he heard a voice calling out through the trees. "Heel Shag, naughty, naugthy Shag", and do you know that hound turned and bounded off the way that it'd come and was never seen again. But they do say to this very day that if you go through Demon's Wood at night there's always best to take with you something to feed the dog with, just in case you meet up with "Black Shag", and that's why if you ever meet any of our family in Demon's Wood at night, like as not they have with them a rabbit or a couple of pheasants in their pockets just to feed the headless hound of Gimingham.

Was that alright? Hello? I've got another nice story. Is anyone there?