I'll have two early birds over easy with bacon.

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control right left and center.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like click bait.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.


If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.