This is one I wrote, back in the day when I had to go out all hours of the day and night......Back when we had a Doctors' Cooperative in West Lothian in the 2000s. Hopefully no confidentiality breached but all true stories! (NHS 24 was what followed on from the local Drs' cooperatives, and still exists today)

THE NIGHTSHIFT BLUES                                                Author: TS 24.10.05.
Last night shift done on 26.09.04.

Well at four in the morning, we got a shout,
Said, “Wake up driver and take me out”
On the night-shift baby, woo-hoo, on the night-shift baby, woo-oo-hoo,
On the night shift baby and I just can’t get no rest.

Goin’ to the far Wild West of the neighbourhood,
Gotta be Stoneyburn, ain’t so good, on the night-shift baby, etc

Next time out we go to see a fine lady,
Got this wracking cough and it’s drivin’ her crazy, on the night-shift baby, etc
She’s a-shiverin’ and a-shakin’ all over her body
Tell her she should brew herself a big hot toddy, on the night-shift baby, etc

Well the kid’s got a fever, and they won’t bring him out
“We got no transport” down the phone they shout, on the night-shift baby, etc
There’s three cars on the drive but no wheels and no tax
And the sick kid’s tucking into Snak-a-Jacks, on the night-shift baby, etc

Then we came to the house of a little old man
His piles had been a-bleedin’ all over the pan, on the night-shift baby, etc
So I went to the freezer for some Birds Eye peas-a
Said “Sit on these, they should give you some ease-a”, on the night-shift baby, etc

There’s a fella lookin’ lost but he don’t look so sick,
Says his wife’s in labour, I gotta be quick, on the night-shift baby, etc,
Driver says “Follow Me”, his green light’s a-flashin’
But the lady’s already in the labour ward pushin’, on the night-shift baby, etc

I got my stethoscope, (audience repeat),         I got my bag of dope, (audience repeat)
Got my bottle of Calpol   “          “                  Got my handy scalpel   “                “
Got my mobile phone,                                       With its cool ringtone
Got my glucose meter                                To see if you’re sweeter
Got my reflex hammer                        Got my Polaroid camera
Got my digital thermometer                        Got my cardiac monitor
Got my nebuliser                                Got my oxygen analyser
Got my defibrillator                                Got my resuscitator
So the car boot’s full and I just can’t get no rest

Now we’re back into base, gotta sleep on the floor,
Since they broke the camp beds we ain’t got no more, on the night-shift baby, etc

If you ain’t got a badge you can’t get thro’ the door
So I ain’t signing up to NHS 24, on the night-shift baby, etc

And the sun’s coming up and I just ain’t, just ain’t………………………………….. had no rest.