Stop talking rubbish and tell us a joke. Preferably a real one that you haven't tried to make up. This not a thread for your irritating cod philosophies.

I walked into the pub with a pair of jump leads. The barman said, "I'll serve you but don't start anything..."

When I was a little boy I prayed every night for a new bike. After a long time I realised that God doesn't work that way, so I stole one then asked God for forgiveness.

(cheers to Peter Kay!)