Naturally, I refer to strawberries (that excellent Englishman, what else, Dr William Butler said in the 17th century that doubtless God could have made a better berry, but doubtless God never did). Well I used to grow strawberries, and battled the birds, the slugs, the millipedes and the grey mould, the final straw being that late one night I caught two badgers who appeared to be, er, having it off on my strawberry bed, thereby completely trashing it.

So I buy strawberries. Most of the ones you see in bulk on supermarket shelves are dismal. Too watery, too acidic, not sweet enough, no fragrance. But I've discovered a double strawberry nirvana this year and last. First, the Red Diamond ones from M&S. Not cheap, but a four-quid box does two of you royally, three still generously. Second, Eve's Delight from Morrisons's The Best, two smaller boxes for four quid but more strawbs than the M&S for the same price. Both versions are heavenly: fragrant, intense, sweet, beautiful.

Do not buy the abysmal Malling Centenary, which seem to have taken over everywhere. And don't listen to the eejits who suggest putting balsamic vinegar on them. If you really insist on doing this, remember that even a half-decent bottle of balsamic costs at least fifteen quid and that the cheap supermarket watery slop that defiles the name is fit for nothing. It has to be clotted cream. Preferably Rodda's.