40 years ago an old man named Mr. Simon would come by my office and this was his version:

The cat couldn't kitten
And the dog couldn't pup
And the old man couldn't get his rhubarb up.
So he twist and he turned and shit on the floor
And whipped his ass on the knob of the door.

Another favorite of his, said as he knocked on my door frame,
nock, nock , nock...
Nobody's home, I hope, I hope, I hope.
You know what that is sonny?
That's the low pressure salesman.