THE GNOME
(Bernard Bolan)

Both dusk and dawn I sit on the lawn
For the whole of the livelong day
Though at night I dance, by day my stance
Will never move nor sway
My cheeks are red and me cap is too
Me ears both flap and me coat is blue
When doggies crap, I've a birdseye view
I'm a gnome, a gnome

I sit on me arse on the green, green grass
Beneath the cherry tree
Though made of stone, it is very well known
My heart is full of glee
That is why I always smile
I only frown but once in a while
When doggies piddle, it's rather vile
For a gnome, a gnome

So you will see if you're following me
It's dogs that I don't like
And neither would you if they made you the loo
And used you for the dyke
I'll bet their pet will never forget
The day they had to call the vet
The bloody last time he'll try to wet
A gnome, a gnome

I'm not an elf, I'm not a sprite, I'm not a dwarf
That gets Snow White
I'm not a fairy so get it right
I'm a gnome, a gnome

So it's eyes to the floor with your motor mower
As you bowl across the green
When bashed in the bum, I can become
Both mischievous and mean
I'll trip you up in your goddam flat
Don't forget me pointed hat
A terrible sight is a man who's sat
On a gnome, a gnome

Gremlin, goblin, imp and spook
You find us all in the magic book
But you can see if you'll take one look
I'm a gnome, a gnome

So maybe when you think of me
You will not scowl and scorn
And maybe you won't knock me down
When you try to mow the lawn
So remember Harry, Dick and Tommy
Call me gnome and not g-nommy
You will make me happy if you will call me
An ever loving gnome

Source: transcription from Bernard Bolan 'An Eccentric Collection' E E Eclectic Enterprises EEEE 2000-1 CD.
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