EasyJet know that most people want to come back one week after they set off, so the outbound leg is cheap but the homeward leg is much dearer. Not only that, they've reduced the size of the freebie cabin bag. In the past we've managed our hot summer week in Spain with two cabin bags but that can't be done any more with the reduced bag size. Paying for a bigger cabin bag each would cost almost as much as a checked-in bag. So it's a titchy cabin bag each plus a hold bag at £76 return. Jet2 let you have for free a very generous cabin bag plus a smaller one for under the seat, but their hold bags are just as expensive. We don't usually pick seats and the airlines generally seat us together, but, on our Jet2 flight coming back from Málaga last month, we got two inside seats hemmed in by a massively obese, loud woman with uncontrolled kids and a barking mad fat husband in the seats in front - he rarely sat down all the way and he routinely ignored the seat belt light. So from now on we're selecting seats, aisle seats across from each other. So that's another thirty-odd quid per trip. We heard good things about Jet2 but don't you believe it. Yes their airport staff smile a lot, etc., but when we were called to the gate at Málaga we were all kept standing outside it in the heat with nowhere to sit for 45 minutes while the staff inside the gate ignored us, laughing and joking with each other.

We've only used Ryanair once. You have to add just about everything on with them. When we landed back at Stansted (avoid like the plague) there was a massive fanfare over the plane's tannoy followed by a triumphant voice bragging about about "yet another Ryanair flight arriving on time!" Thing is, we then couldn't get off the plane for over an hour because they could find a set of steps.

As far as airlines and airports are concerned, we are mere cattle. No wonder Rishi uses private jets for journeys the rest of us use buses for...

By the way, if you don't want to lose ten years off your life, avoid Stansted and Luton at all costs. At Bristol you have to lug your bags for miles to get to the gates and they haven't heard of escalators. My sister tells me that Manchester airport is a hellhole.