Poor Old Father
as sung by Hugh Paddick on the "Round the Horne" BBC radio program (series 4, episode 9: "Journey to Uranus"), originally broadcast on 1968 April 21

I've worked hard all me life I have
And now I don't regret
I'm worth a hundred pounds a week
But, that's not what I get
My salary's four pounds ten
Which may seem quite a lot
But, it don't go far with all the big expenses I've got

-- CHORUS --
First of all the missus always wants a bit,
Always wants a bit,
And she takes a bit.
The boy'll want a bit,
The girl'll want a bit,
And then the fella that calls from the insurance wants a bit.
The landlord wants a bit,
The milkman wants a bit,
And the old bookmaker rather -
And when they've all had their pickings from me four pounds ten,
There's nine pence left for poor old father!

On Sunday's for a treat sometimes
perhaps we have a fowl
And when the missus carves it
Well, it nearly makes me howl
if a fowl had two of everything
it wouldn't be so bad
So when we're having poultry
You can't wonder I feel sad

-- CHORUS --
First of all the missus always wants a bit,
Always wants a bit,
And she takes a bit.
The boy'll want a bit,
The girl'll want a bit,
And then the fella who calls from the insurance wants a bit.
The landlord wants a bit,
The milkman wants a bit,
And the old bookmaker rather
And when they've all had their pickings you can guess what's left
It's a parson's day for poor old father!