I would support total independence for Scotland if the Scots would agree to forgo their right to send MPs to Westminster. I don't know what you're whinging about up there, it is we English who are under the domination of the bloody Picts! You can have Blair, Brown, Cook and the rest back as soon as you like!

Otherwise, I will rewrite "Parcel of Rogues" from the English point of view, and submit that for consideration as the new English National Anthem!