A vegan said to his wife, "People who sell meat are gross."

She replied, "People who sell fruit and veg are grocer..."

...

A pilot and his co-pilot were nearing the end of a rather wearisome long-haul flight and were relaxing with a bit of laddish banter. The pilot said, "What I really fancy right now is a good hard shag and a cup of coffee."

Unfortunately, he hadn't realised that he'd left on the intercom, so the passengers in the cabin had heard every word. The female flight attendant, who was at the rear of the cabin, realising what had happened, dashed up the cabin towards the cockpit door, hoping to tell the pilot to switch off the mic and limit further damage.

As she was about to reach the cockpit, a passenger called out to her, "Don't forget his coffee, darling!"