(spoken) Talking about Italy, their grand, old songs... did you ever hear about the grand old man of Italy, old Columbus? Boy, what a man, with his cock hanging down to his knees out in the ocean breeze, he sailed that broad Atlantic. Boy, what a man was he. Well here's about the ocean voyage that old Columbus undertook. When men were men, women were women, on the high, high, seas
Now in Fourteen hundred and ninety two A wop came from Italio Walked down the streets of Spain, but hey Yelling "hot tamale-os!"
CHORUS Columbo, Columbo He thought the world was round-o Ah, there's high-fanatical, geographical Sonofabitch, Columbo
He ups into the Queen of Spain And he asks for ships and cargo And he swore he'd be a sonofabitch If he didn't bring back Chicago
"Well, Columbus," she says, the Queen "Uh -- you've asked for things a-plenty Now, you've asked for cargo ships and men But son, what about the women?"
CHORUS
Now for weeks and months and months and weeks They sailed the broad Atlantic And for a piece of poon-tang Heh, that whole damn crew went frantic
The skipper came on deck one day His cock was like a mast fold He grabbed the first mate round the neck And shoved it up his asshole
CHORUS
Why, the skipper's wife come on deck one day A-selling shirts and collars Ah, but with her cunt-- yeah, in five minutes She made five thousand dollars
Now there was a monkey on this deck This monkey's name was Jumbo He cornholed everything on deck And even, too, Columbo
And then they saw some Indian gals As they started in swimming Columbus yelled "We won't have to jack off Cause here comes the women!"