Some friends an' I, in a public house,
were belting down a few one night,
When into the room a fireman came,
With his face all chalky white.
"What's up", said Brown, "Have you seen a ghost,
Orhave you seen your aunt Mariah"
"Oh me Aunt Mariah be buggered" said he,
"The bleedin' pub's on fire"
(no chorus, yet)

II
"Fire", says Brown, "What a bit of luck,
Everybody follow me"
"It's down to the cellar if it's not in flames,
And we'll all have a grand old spree".
So we all went down, with good old Brown,
And the booze we couldn't miss.
And it hadn't been ten minutes, when,
We were all bloody pissed.

(now the chorus) (chorus)
There was Brown, upside down,
Moppin' up the whiskey on the floor,
"Booze, Booze", the firemen cried,
as they came knockin' at the door.
Oh we won't let 'em in 'till it's all mopped up,
Somebody shouted, "Macintyre"
(Macintyre-cockney rhyming slang for, "the place is on fire", I think)
And we all got blue, blind,parlytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.

II
Then Smith went over to the port wine tub,
And gave it just a few hard knocks,
Then, he started taking off his pantaloons,
likewise his shoes and socks.
"Hold on", says Brown, "you can't do that,
You mustn't do that, in here"
"Don't you wash your "jimmies" in the port wine tub
When we have some American beer"

(chorus)

III
Just then there came a terrible crash,
Half the bloody roof caved in,
We'd have all been drowned in the fireman's hose,
Were we not already drowned in Gin.
So we took some tacks and some old wet sacks,
And bunged ourselves in tight,
Then we started drinkin, "Old Bushmills"
'Till we were bleary eyed.

(repeat chorus)

I learned it from that great blues guitarist and singer, Louis Killen. Yes, Louis does do blues, quite expertly, when pushed into it. Just tell him Jody sent you.

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 6-Jun-02.