3907

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBO

In fourteen hundred ninety-two
A dago from Italia
Roamed and roamed the streets of Rome
Selling his hot tamales.

Christopher Columbo,
He knew the world was round-o
That urinating, masturbating, son of a bitch Columbo.

He said to the king, to the king said he,
Just give me ships and cargo
In fourteen days you son of a bitch
I'll bring you back Chicago.

The Queen she hocked her family jewels
To get Columbus started
And on the decks she wept with tears
But Columbus only farted.

Columbus piped, "All hands on deck."
And tied them to the mast pole
Then he took down all their pants
And fucked them in the ass hole.

The cabin maid ran down the deck
The villain he pursued her
The white of an egg ran down her leg
Columbo he had screwed her.

In fourteen days they sighted land
It was the isle of Cuba
A big fat whore ran down to shore
With legs just like a tuba.

Columbus he jumped overboard
The crew they stripped and followed
In forty-five minutes by the clock
She'd made ten thousand dollars.

Columbus he came back on deck
His tool was sore and fiery
He wiped it off on the tablecloth
And logged it in his diary.

In Spain the doctors they were few
The syph doctors not many
The only one Columbus knew
Was a God damn Jew named Benny.

Columbus went up and that Jew
His face was calm and placid
The God damn fool filled up his tool,
With muriatic acid.

Van Hook

Gordon "Inferno" Collection, #3907. No date (1920s). Notes say part of manuscript is missing.