From the sheet music at Baylor University:


WHO ATE NAPOLEONS WITH JOSEPHINE
(WHEN BONAPARTE WAS AWAY)?
Words by Alfred Bryan, music by E. Ray Goetz, 1920.
From the Revue “As You Were,” adapted from Rip’s “Plus Ça Change.”

1. The love affairs of famous men have led me to believe
That ev’ry woman beautiful was born just to deceive.
The female of the specie [sic] is more deadly to the male,
Who thinks he is the only one—and thereby hangs a tale.
I know about the love affairs of men of history,
But there is just one mystery that always puzzles me:

CHORUS 1: Who ate Napoleons with Josephine when Bonaparte was away?
Who said “Do zis for me
And I’ll do zat for you,”
While “Nap” was fighting Prussians,
Austrians, and Russians?
I told you once when Rip Van Winkle to the mountains went.
His missus ate her grapefruit with someone who paid the rent;
But who ate Napoleons with Josephine when Bonaparte was away?

2. There are a lot of foolish men who never realize
Their little wives are fooling them and right before their eyes.
Queen Catherine of Russia had some brains within her head.
She always found a burglar hiding underneath the bed.
If they’ll double-cross such famous men like bold Mark Antony,
Image how they’ll hand it to a chap who looks like me!

CHORUS 2: Who ate Napoleons with Josephine when Bonaparte was away?
Who leaned back in the throne,
As if it was his own,
While Nap played Philopena
Out in St. Helena?
When Walter Raleigh left Queen Lizzie like a gallant kid,
Did she walk on someone else’s coat? You bet your life she did!
But who ate Napoleons with Josephine when Bonaparte was away?

CHORUS 3: Who ate Napoleons with Josephine when Bonaparte was away?
When he took Austerlitz,
Who took her to the Ritz,
While he sat in the trenches
Eating goulash off the benches?
King Solly had a thousand wives to dinner in his den,
But each one brought a cousin home for breakfast now and then;
But who ate Napoleons with Josephine when Bonaparte was away?

CHORUS 4: Who ate Napoleons with Josephine when Bonaparte was away?
Who told her maid to go
Each night to see a show
While Nap was fighting Prussians
Austrians and Russians?
When Romeo left Juliet back in the ages dim,
She had another leading man who understudied him;
But who ate Napoleons with Josephine when Bonaparte was away?