NAPOLEON
Words by E. Y. Harburg, music by Harold Arlen, ©1957.
As recorded by Lena Horne on “Jamaica - An Original Cast Recording,” 1957. [YouTube, Spotify]

Napoleon's a pastry.
Bismarck is a herring.
Alexander's a crème de cacao mixed with rum,
And Herbie Hoover is a vacuüm.

Columbus is a circle and a day off.
Pershing is a square; what a pay-off!
Julius Caesar is just a salad on a shelf,
So, little brother, get wise to yourself.

Life's a bowl and it's
Full of cherry pits.
Play it big and it throws you for a loop.
That's the way with fate:
Comes today, we're great;
Comes tomorrow, we're tomato soup.

Napoleon's a pastry.
Get this under your brow:
What once useta
Be a roosta'
Is just a dusta' now.

Napoleon's a pastry.
DuBarry is a lipstick.
Pompadour's a hairdo.
Good Queen Mary just floats along from pier to pier.
Venus De Milo is a pink brassiere.

Sir Gladstone is a bag; ain't it shocking?
And the mighty Kaiser, just a stocking.
The Czar of Russia is now a jar of caviar,
And Cleopatra is a black cigar.

Yes, my honey lamb, Swift is just a ham.
Lincoln's a tunnel; Coolidge is a dam.
Yes, my noble lads, comes today, we're fads;
Comes tomorrow, we are subway ads.

Homer is just a swat.
Get this under your brow:
All these bigwig controversials
Are just commercials now.
Better get your jug of wine
And loaf of love
Before that final vow.

Napoleon's a pastry.
Caesar is a salad.
Get it while you're able.