SONG NO. 29

THE OLD MAID

The old maid sat by the fire
The tom cat sat beside her
she didn't give a damn for the old tom cat,
And she pulled her skirts up higher
And she pulled her skirts up higher
And she pulled her skirts up higher
She didn't give a damn for the old tom cat,
And she pulled her skirts up higher.

The tom cat saw it naked
And for a rat did take it.
He made on spring for the old maid's thing,
My god how he did shake it
My god how he did shake it
My god how he did shake it
He made on spring for the old maid's thing,
My God how he did shake it.

the old maid shit and started,
the tom cat spit and farted,
they made such a din
That the neighbors rushed in
And the cat and the quiff were parted
And the cat and the quiff were parted
And the cat and the quiff were parted
They made such a din
that the neighbors rushed in
And the cat and the quiff were parted.

They sent for a famous physician
To determine the old maid's condition.
He said with a grunt as he looked at her cunt
He's bit right through the partition
He's bit right through the partition
He's bit right through the partition
He said with a grunt as he looked at her cunt
He's bit right through the partition.

Now when you sit be the fire,
And pull you skirts up higher
There's a much better stunt
You can do with your cunt
Than arouse a tom cat's ire.
Than arouse a tom's ire,
Than arouse a tome cat's ire.
There's a much better stunt
You can do with your cunt
Than arouse a tom cat's ire.

Pg 24-25. A Collection of Sea Songs and Ditties by Dave E Jones. [undated, ca 1928].