I am gradually realizing that I am feeling almost like my previous self - a moderate amount of energy and more positive attitude. I really did think I was going to die soon and felt OK, in fact, good about it. Tired of struggling and wanting the end of it. My son was having none of it - hence the family Christmas!
I surmise that it has taken my bod since November to recover from the heavier meds. A relief to know I won't be dealing with that again - at least until April, and a lower dose!
The "grief Group" hit the wall on Monday. 1. The room smelled of perfume when I arrived - a major possible problem for me. I commented and received no question/no response. Then the "leader", nice but lacking, let go of the whole thing and it was a gab session with several separate gabs occurring around the table. I kept trying to get the phone to do its thing with the hearing aids tho nothing would have helped in that chaos. As we neared the end of the time, nothing meaningful had occurred and I was fairly fed up when one of the women made the pronouncement that it was a wonderful session - as though she were making a group pronouncement. I said that it was not that for me. I got royal what-for from the woman next to me for playing with my phone - it should not be allowed! Nope! She was unaware of my hearing problem. And I had only just realized she is going blind - and just learned her name as I have only seen her a very few times. The "leader" said firmly that I had no right to believe that people should listen when others are speaking. And, anyway we had just been through the holidays ... I did not inform her that the holidays are known to be highly stressful - all the more reason to check with how people were doing....... She was all upset -"all my fault!" I gave her a hug and told her it had nothing to do with her.
There are a few people I like and would like to get to know better. I keep telling people they are welcome to visit. I am ready to give it up. But wonder if I have a responsibility for explaining the why of it - How to improve the group for those who need it. She is a volunteer. She is suffering from loss of husband and has shared her own pain.
Everyone just left so I went out to the parking area and told the woman going blind that I was trying to use my phone to hear better. and expressed concern for how it must feel to be going blind.
On the home front: I did major grocery shopping today "(four dif shops) - very careful not to put too much in one bag and only pick up one at a time! Took me a while to get it all in the house. Then have a bite to eat and put a roast/potatoes/carrots, in the oven along with a pan of cabbage rolls from M&M. Opened a can of yellow beans- too tired now to do up the fresh ones! Fell asleep in my chair and woke to cooked cabbage rolls and a roast needing more heat/time. Then woke up to some of the pot/car burned on the bottom but the beans and roast were fine,
However: watching the FB page for the bridge, I sent R notices of how dangerous it was - NO lights at all on the entire bridge and dreadful slush and those dreadful new fangled headlights that make it harder to see! So he decided to stay in town.