3902
October 7, 1917.

Oh the bards they sing of an English king so many years ago.
Who ruled the land with an iron hand but his mind was weak and low.
And well he loved to hunt the stag within the royal wood
But better still he loved the pleasure of pulling his royal pud.
        Chi-rist, how he loved to pull his pud, pull his pud!

Oh his only nether garment was a woolen undershirt
With which he tried to hide the hide, but he couldn’t hide the dirt.
He was wild and wooly and full of fleas.
And his terrible tool hung down to his knees.
All hail to this bastard king of En—gland.

Oh the queen of Spain was a sprightly dame, a sprightly dame was she,.
And she loved to fool with his majesty’s tool, so far across the sea,
So she sent him a message by a special messenger,
To come and spend a month or so with her!.
        X-rist, what a scandal it would stir, it would stir!

Now the king of France when he heard of this, he swore onto his court.
She must prefer me rival, because me horn is short!
So he sent the Duke of Sippensap to give the queen a dose of clap
Which wouldn’t do a thing to dear old Eg—gland
        Which wouldn’t help old England any at all, at all, at all!

Now when the news of this fell deed had reached old England's walls,
The king he swore by the shirt he wore, he’d have the Frenchman's balls.
He offered half his kingdom and the hand of Queen Hortense
To any loyal Briton who would nut the king of France.
        To him who would                  the king of France, the king of France.

The royal duke of Suffolk betook himself to France,
Oh, he swore he was a fruiter and the king took down his pants.
He tied a thong to the royal dong.
And mounted his horse and galloped along.
        And dragged him before the bastard king of England.

The king threw up his breakfast and he fainted on the floor.
For in the ride the Frenchman’ s tool has stretched a rod or more
And all the ladies of England came down to London town.
And they gather round the Castle walls, "To hell with the English Crown!"

The king of France usurped the throne.
His sceptre was his royal bone.
With which he downed the bastard king of England.

        "I received it at the beginning of the summer from a friend
who went to France. It was collected at Princeton."

Grantley W. Taylor.

October 7, 1917. Untitled. In the Gordon Inferno Collection.
MS #3902. Blank space in the fifth verse is in the MS. There are
two other undated versions "The Bastard King of England" in the collection.


See here: https://archive.org/details/1917gordoninfernocollection/page/3901/mode/1up?q=%22bastard+king%22