“Grandad, tell us about the times when you were a pirate. How did you get your wooden leg.”

“Arr, that were when we taking a merchantman, she only had one cannon, and she only managed to fire once and that cannon ball, took the bottom part of me leg clean off.”
“
Gosh, and how did you get the hook for a hand.”

“Arr, it were a cutless fight with a navy ship who tried to board us. I was about to finish one of them off when another came from the side and cut off me hand with the cutless. But I got him with me pistol with my left hand, then I knocked the first one unconscious with the pistol and kicked him overboard.”

“And how did you lose your eye?”

“Arr, I were looking up when a seagull shit in it.”

“I didn’t know seagull poop was that dangerous”

“Arr, that were the day after I got me hook.”