Oh I wish I was back in old Canada
A land which I never shall lampoon
How I pine for the ice covering Lake Manitoba
And the beauty that is Saskatoon

I wish I was stuck in the hills of Alberta
Drinking beer with some big dumb guy trapping fur
As he scraped and he chiselled all the moose dung off his boots
I would learn that he was the Prime Minister

Oh I wish I was in the land that gave us Peter Jennings
Alanis Morissette, Mike Myers too
No I take that back, I wouldn't go there even if you paid me
O Canada, you are a place I must eschew

Oh I wish I was blowing up Prince Edward Island
And going on to bomb Ontario
The destruction of Canada and all of it's culture
Is by far my favorite scenario

Just where the Hell does Canada get off sharing a border
With countries far superior to it?
Well, you lousy, stinking francophonic bacon-loving bastards
Your country's just a giant piece of s***t!