Sure, Peter, I asked because I wanted to know. (Besides, there's plenty of room under the table with the Shambles)

You said: "I think that while there are parts of the song about Sara that I like, it is too overtly a message song."

Interesting. I've been critiqued before for not having MORE of a message in it; a conclusion.

You said: "I don't think the relationship between the reportorial outrage and the emotional response is worked through enough, so that we are being pushed into feeling these emotions rather than having them emerge from our response to the situation. We see all this situation from the outside, and then we are asked to feel pity about it."

I understand the principle. Do you mean I need to show you something more of how I (the singer) loved Sara? I had a bridge at one point describing Lisa holding Sara, but I cut it because I thought it was too hokey.
And I was trying to write something that wasn't particularly outraged, just saying: this is how it happened. (not judging, not excusing).
Can you give me a specific example of what would change the telling to a more 'inside' view?
Thanks for taking the time to look at it and speak your mind. I may not do what you suggest, but I certainly will listen.
Blessings,
Barbara