Barbara,
I've been following this thread, much in the same vein as Mick, as song writing is something I am of course interested in, but which seems a black art to me; just can't seem to get my head around the essentials.
I'd just like to say how much I admire your ability, and courage. Courage to write the song about Sara, and even more so to post it here for critique when you are obviously so close to the subject matter.

Best wishes

Pete M