The one about the widow and the devil is called The Widow's Moor - I heard a great version by the Poozies, sung by Kate Rusby.


THE WIDOW
As recorded by The Poozies on "Raise Your Head (A Retrospective)" (2000)

High upon a lonely moor, a widow lived alone.
And in she kept, and as she slept, her pillow heard her moan:
"Oh, many is the traveller has spent the night with me.
There's not a man in all creation gives content to me!

"Well, some can manage once or twice, and some make three or four.
It seems to me a rarity is the man who can do more.
I'll do anything to find him, in heaven or in Hell."
And as these words were spoken, then she heard the front-door bell.

CHORUS: And the wind blew cold and lonely across that widow's moor,
And she never ever turned away a traveller from the door.

So boldly then the widow, ran; the door she opened wide,
And as she did, a tall and handsome stranger stepped inside.
She gave him bread and brandy, and when that he was fed,
He said: "My dear, now have no fear; it's time to come to bed.

"For I've heard your call way down below, and I've come to see you right,
But you must come to Hell with me if I can last the night."
She said: "You randy devil! To this bargain I'll agree,
For Hell on earth or Hell in Hell, it's all the same to me!" CHORUS

When they both fell into bed, the devil was working well.
He thought before the night was through she'd be in his hell,
But when they came to number nine, the widow cried out: "More!"
When the twelfth time came around, again she cried for more.

At twenty-five, the devil felt compelled to take a rest,
But the widow she said: "Come raise your head, and put me to the test!"
At sixty-nine, the widow laughed. "Again! Again!" she cried,
And the devil said: "Well, I can see just how your husband died!" CHORUS

At ninety-nine, the devil he began to cry and weep.
He said: "I'll give you anything if you'll let me go to sleep!"
Before the morning light was up, the devil hobbled home.
The widow, still not satisfied, once more was left alone.

Then as she lay and grumbled, she thought of ninety-nine.
"If only that old devil could have made it one more time!
I'll call him up again tonight to see what can be done.
With a little more application, he could've made the ton!"

When she called to him that night, no devil did appear.
For the first time in eternity, the devil he shook with fear.
He said: "Of all the torment I've witnessed here in Hell,
I never knew what pain was 'till I rang your front-door bell!" CHORUS X3


Hope you like it. I also know a few songs about sexually transmitted diseases, but not yet sure whether they are appropriate for Mudcat!

Daisy