someone mentioned "Feghoots"...
i didn't think anyone remembered them

it has a simple format: it begins with "ferdinarnd feghoot, the great traveler in time and space" and ends with a HORRIBLE pun

thus

ferdinand feghoot the great traveler in time and space received a distress signal from a microscopic race that lived in some human's lower bowel.
when he arrived, he was informed that the entrance to the race's world (the human's sphincter)was in a state of constant irritation, and humans being (ahem) human, he was constantly scratching it.
causing immense disruption in commerce and destruction of transportation facilities.
ferdinand took a long look at the troublesome orifice, painted in the race's national colors (vermillion and cerise).
he immediately advised having it painted a plain gray.
amazingly enough, the problem ceased.
feghoot was quick to explain...

the source of your problem was obvious... gaudy anus, itchy door