This came round thro' the ether. Dunno who wrote it, but they got it spot on.......wish I had a name to credit, 'cos it is a GREAT parody. Pure " A social comment on the cross-cultural influences in 21st century Scottish city life", complete with appropriate profanities, relevant to those cultures.

Not for the faint hearted

Apologies for any missed line breaks -- there's lots of it.........translations to follow, if I remember -- if not, I'll post them back, later.

GLASWEGIAN (Weegi) PIE (to the tune of American Pie)

A long long time ago, I can still remember
how those weeji bampots made me laugh,
And I know if I had a chance to see those Neds and Sengas dance,
I'd laugh my fucking arse off once again.
'Cos don't they realise it's not clever,
Drinking Buckfast doon the river,
Tucked in trackie bottoms,
They look just fucking rotten!
I can't remember if I cried when I saw these bams in East Kilbride,
But it amused me deep inside,
the day the mucker thrived!

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"

Did you write the book of shite
"Can I borrow ten bob, gonnae gee'za light?"
Bugger off yer full o' pish!
Oh and do you believe in hardcore techno?
Huv ye gubbed 5 ectos fur a night at the Metro?
And can you teach me how to speak reeeaaallll slow?!
You can tell that she's in love wi' him,
'Cos he's fae Ibrox and she's a Tim,
They both kicked off their socks and those manky old Reeboks.
He was a scrawny youth with a GAP pullover,
A sovvy ring and a stolen Nova,
They fell in love when he muff dove 'er,
The day the muckers thrived....

Chorus
Now for ten years you've been on the dole,
Hingin' aboot at the Paisley Toll,
And that's just how it's always been.
When the mucker screamed at the Polis van,
In a coat he'd stolen fae TopMan,
And a fag that came from you or me.
But while the cop was looking dapper,
The wee bam chibbed him on the napper,
Dressed all in Kappa clobber,
As he shouted, "suck ma dobber!".
While wee Tam stole a shirt fae 'Mark's', They all buzzed petrol in the dark,
The day the Mucker thrived....

Chorus

Helter Skelter, if the wean cries belt 'er
Writing menshies on the old bus shelter,
Eight days straight drinking Faaaaaaaaaast!
Doin' six month for selling smack,
The chip pan diet and the heart attack
A night out at Archaos wi' the burd.
The Sengas reek of cheap perfume,
While name-tags jangle round the room,
Each one grabs her geezzer,
A fag and lemon Breezer.
The lack of class is hard to hide,
They cannae wait to get inside,
A stair-heid winch and a door-way ride,
That's how the Muckers thrive

Chorus

You'll see them in their usual places,
With silly hats and ugly faces,
Ootside the offy acting hard.
So Shug be nimble, Shug be quick,
And get an ounce of speed on tick
Then cut it up and sell it to yer pals.
All lined up ootside the "Paki's",
A rainbow of exotic trackies,
Giein' abuse tae grannies,
Ya fucked up bunch of fannies!
And as the day turns in to night,
The neds may gang up to start a fight,
But on their own they're soft as shite!
I've made a Mucker cry!

Chorus
(Slowly with feeling)

I met a girl who sang 'The Sash',
I asked about her pant moustache,
But she just told me to fuck off!
I went down to the local chippy,
Where the Neds hung out and the staff were nippy,
And the muckers there harassed me for some fags.
Baseball hats at stupid angles,
The girls each wore three dozen bangles,
Hair done up with scrunchies,
Munching crisps and Crunchies.
But the three meals they enjoy the most,
Are chinky, chippy, beans on toast,
Come Glasgow fair they hit the coast,
The day the mucker thrived

Anon, but probably by Don's infamous weegi cousin, NOD MacLean!!

Some Translations, in order of appearance

Weeji = GlasWegian, Bampots = young hard-men, yobs, nutters, etc., Neds = much the same as bampots, Sengas = their female equivalent/girlfriends (Senga = Agnes backwards, which the Agneses think sonds mair posh), Buckfast = cheap gut-rot wine, Trackie - track-suit, Bam = bampot, Mucker = mate, pal, Fray Bentos = maker of tinned pies, Uno = small Fiat car, Bunnets = hats, Milngavie = posh suburb/dormitory town fer Glasgow, pronounced "Millguy" or "Mullguy" , Shite = faeces, Gee'za or gie's a = give me, Gubbed = demolished, etc., Ectos = ecstacy, Ibrox = (protestant)Glasgow Rangers FC's stadium, Tim = Catholic/Celtic supporter, derived from Timaloi, derivation unknown -- Help!, GAP = designer label, Sovvy = (presumably) Gold, probably from sovereign, Nova = small Vauxhall car, Polis = Police, Fag = cigarette!, Chibbed = stabbed, (usually), napper = head, so "Chibbed him ON the napper" is probably either a punch or a head-butt (otherwise kent as 'droppin' the nod'), in this case, Marks .....& Spencer, Wean = kid, Menshies = ????, Faaaaast = Buckfast, Burd = girlfriend, Stair-heid = top landing, Winch = wench/clinch, Offy = Liquor store, Shug = common nickname for Hugh, The Sash = infamous sectarian song, Chippy = emporium fer the purchase of what only the Septics call French Fries. The French call them Pommes Frites, an' we ca' them CHIPS!, Chinky = Chinese food,------- any I've missed -----work it oot yersel's

Rob