A song by His Worship and The Pig... "

"You're Only As Old As The Woman You Feel."

Now that you're 50 I bet you a quid
That your bodily functions don't work like they did.
To see yourself naked is a little distressing
Your skin fits alright but looks like it needs pressing.

Chorus: But don't think that fifty is the end of the line,
That you've run out of track and you've run out of time,
For as long as you've got both your ardour and zeal,
You are only as old as the woman you feel.

Well at fifty, perhaps you're a little concerned,
That the largest amount of your candle you've burned,
But the size of your candle don't matter a bit.
What's important is how long it burns once its lit.

Chorus

Well shortly you'll start growing hair once again,
From your armholes and earholes and holes I wont name,
And no-ones explained it and I've never read,
Why it grows down your nostrils but not on your head.
Chorus.

Now when you were just twenty-one all your girlfriends,
Say that you'd go like a Mercedes Benz,
But now the wife tells you your engine is blowing,
She starts you by hand and jumps on once you're going.

Chorus.

The last verse is a killer we've performed it infront of a wide range of audiences and it's always amazing to see very prim and proper ladies (of all ages!) burst into laughter when we sing the last verse - amazingly we've never had a complaint and re-bookings keep coming in!

Take care

Pete