We' ve finally found Alan Wilkinson - the Hartlepool United fanzine put out an appeal for info and the man himself replied as follows:

Sent: Friday, May 18, 2001 3:00 PM
Subject: Song "Hartlepool Monkey"

Lo,
I am he!

I wrote the song when I was a member of the Teesside Fettlers folk group (best known members were Ron Angel and - now Radio Cleveland's Stuart McFarlane - "Big Mac").

As far as I can remember, the words are more or less as I wrote them, but here, anyway, is a more "original" version based on my memory:

The Hartlepool Monkey
By Alan Wilkinson

Well, it happened up in Hartlepool, about the time that France,
And the Emperor Napoleon were leading us a dance,
The Froggies took the crew of a British man of war,
But the captain's pet monkey got washed up on the shore.

Chorus: Old folks, young folks, everyone and each,
Come and see the Frenchie who's landed on the beach,
He's got long arms, a great long tail, he's covered all in hair,
We think that he's a spy so we'll hang him in the square.

The Lord Mayor of Hartlepool was walking on the shore,
When he came upon a funny sight, he'd never seen before,
A hairy little man was sitting in the sand,
Holding a banana in his hairy little hand.

Chorus

The Mayor he went to tell the Clerk, the clerk ran to the shore,
And there they found the little man, where he had been before.
The crowd that gathered round him thought he was the finest sight,
Since the fire at the timber yard the previous Friday night.

Chorus

Constable Parsons, hurried to the scene,
Took out his notebook and licked his pencil clean.
He said 'Causing a disturbance is a serious offence,
And everything you say will be used in evidence'.

Chorus

When the monkey answered, a funny thing occurred
Constable Parsons couldn't understand a word.
The reason for his puzzlement the Clerk could plainly see,
"This little man's a foreigner from far across the sea."

Chorus

The little man's a spy, the angry crowd did roar,
Sent over by Napoleon to invade our native shore.
They grabbed the little fellow by his long and hairy tail,
And handed him to Parsons, who hoyed him into jail.

Chorus

The little man was tried, and found to be a spy,
The judge put on his little black cap and told him, "You must die".
When he heard the verdict, he didn't turn a hair -
He was peeling a banana, and he didn't seem to care.

Chorus

So they hung the monkey from the gallows in the town,
With a rope around his neck, and his tail hanging down,
As a warning to Napoleon to make himself a rule,
Not to send his little hairy spies to old Hartlepool.

Chorus


The Fettlers made a recording of it nearer the time, which will probably have an even more "authentic" version of the words. I think it was included in an album called, "Ring of Iron"

My current potted life story is on my website - along with a sample of my paintings (I am now an artist). I'd be delighted if your readers were to visit it at
Alan Wilkinson

Wassail! V