I have recently acquired a 15 year old boy, well at least, I've always had part ownership in him but when his dad died a few weeks ago he became mine full-time.He did not come with either instructions or an owners manual and I need to know a few things that were not an issue when he only holidayed with me, for example:
Exactly how much pizza can one of these things consume before he a) explodes b)stops being hungry c) gets tired of it?
When he stares into the fridge, what he is expecting to find that wasn't in there when he did it three minutes before?
Is a grunt a) an opening declaration of war,b) a greeting c)a cry for help or d)none of the above?
When he has watched more than four hours of MTV, should I a)take his pulse b) force him outdoors to see daylight or c)remove the remote control and change to the History channel?
When one or more of them are gathered in a room should I a)stay well away and warn the neighbours b)count the plates and glasses in and out and hope they tally at some point c)pipe in sunlight at regular intervals to ward off scurvy
Finally, is his point of view that fresh vegetables, haircuts, regular bathing and underwear that doesn't crunch are the work of the Devil, an acceptable one?

Any and all pointers in the care and feeding of these creatures will be gratefully accepted.