Wow! Life can hand you some tough blows sometimes and your new young friend will be in pain and angry and resentful. Let him know you understand, but still require respect. Give him lots and lots of love and hugs. Even if it seems he doesn't want this.

My son had a hard time because his dad was such an abusive jerk. I did all I could to maintain his self-esteem. I lucked out and it seems that maybe I did good.

As said above, don't sweat the small stuff. Give him your opinion, but let him make his own decisions. My son got into the fad of wearing a bandana on his head at all times.(I can't tell you how many I tossed one into the trash without telling him) I didn't hassle him too much about it, but he knew I didn't like it and he also knew there were times when, if he wanted to be with me, he had to leave it at home.

That brings us to trust. Him trusting you, not you trusting him. James was very surprised when, years later, I told him I had tossed his bandanas because it never occurred to him that mother could do anything as underhanded as that. ;-) It took a while, but James has been able to tell me about things he is doing, expecting my opinion, but knowing I would ultimately leave the decision up to him.

No matter what you do in your relationship with him, do it with love. If you get angry, be angry and let him know it, but do it with love. Do not let contempt enter your conversations. Contempt has no place in this relationship. He'll never trust you if he feels you hold him in contempt and you'll never be able to help him.

Sorry, this is too long.

Love, annamill