Lots of good stuff here. The one thing I would say is, I highly agree with setting rules/limits and sticking to them, BUT know in your own mind, at least, what measures you will take, if he ever decides to ignore them. I don't think it is good to say to them, for instance, "my way or the highway", but there could come a time of utter rebellion when they just cannot continue to disrupt the rest of the household.

I've been there, I know. My son and I went through a terrible time when I told him he had to live by our rules or move out, at just 17 years old. He moved out. BUT, he has thanked me, since, and has turned out to be quite the young man, who does his own laundry (at some point, mom HAS to quit doing it for them, boys and girls) And, because he partnered with a strong womon, not unlike his mom**BG**, he knows if he doesn't wash the dishes, there is no gourmet dinner on the table that night! Their arrangement, but I taught him how to wash up! :-) And, he loves her cooking!

Mortee, when I had him I was 17. Didn't know beans about raising a kid. He knew he was loved and cared for; he was fed, clothed, and housed. He was challenged, engaged, educated, read to, sung to, played with, restricted, let loose, praised with lots and lots of positive reinforcement and he came out okay despite his mom's initial ignorance.

With your professional background, your maturity and your compassion, you will do fine. It's just going to be really rough at times. BUT, that's why you have us...we'll be here for you in those times and good.

Finally, just like in divorce, it is very important that he knows his dad's passing is in no way his fault. There was a letter in Ann Lander's today from a 10 year old girl whose dad committed suicide three years ago. Here's what she had to say:

I want all the kids out there to know that if your dad kills himself, it's not your fault, and there is nothing you could have done to save him. People who do things like that have no idea what they are doing to the people they leave behind. You just have to forgive them and go on with your own life. The best thing to do is talk to a counselor and get it out of your system. That is what I am doing and it helps.

Lucy

He may not want to talk about his dad, now, but I would watch very carefully for signs that he may need to. Oftentimes, boys, esp., will deny a need for talking things out as it is embarrassing to them.

Phew, sorry, didn't mean to go on so much. You will be okay, Mortee, he couldn't get anyone better than you to help him grow through this.

luvyakat