My god, lass! How ORIFUL!! This gives a whole new dimension to the notion of a Home Orifice, huh? Every time you walk in there you must think you're in trouble!!! It's not the usual thing to lay waste to a new home like that, y'know!! Especially since you don't have California's Truth in Selling a Home checklist -- at least we get to be the sewer instead of the seweree!!!

Well, at least you don't have to be the one to raise a stink about it!!! I hope you recorded all the terrible passages in your diarrhey -- you know, to show the insurance company. Those sellers were real stinkers, huh? And all you wanted was a chance to mingle with the natural functions of the place, too!!! Well, pad that bill with everything they'll digest, and when they finally finish chewing it over, you'll be flush!!

Love,

A