Well, here's the song. It's not high art, folks, but it IS a true story of our family dog. We put him into 3 consective dog food eating contests at the local fair, and,

THE BALLAD OF HERMAN THE DOG
(lyrics: black walnut, 2001; tune: variation of Harbour Grace)

Sing the story proud and true
Here boy! Here!
I'm a dog from the County of Waterloo
And I come with a waggling tail-o

In the summer of 1963
To Kitchener's fair town-o
We came from many miles around
With the windows all rolled down-o

The sun was hot, our tongues hung down
And every breath was panting
But the gaming call was in our ears
And the prize we were a-hunting

Sing the story proud and true
Here boy! Here!
I'm a dog from the County of Waterloo
And I come with a waggling tail-o

When the whistles blew, we gave our all
The trials they were many;
Some were judged for how they ran
And some were judged for beauty

But my master had the finest plan
He took me to the table
And all I was required to do
Was to eat as I was able

Sing the story proud and true
Here boy! Here!
I'm a dog from the County of Waterloo
And I come with a waggling tail-o

They sized me with the smallest dogs
(It's true I have no height)
The contest was to eat with speed –
I would try with all my might
Well, the poodles held their noses
The chihuahuas did not care
But I downed my chow with great delight
And I beat them fair and square

Sing the story proud and true
Here boy! Here!
I'm a dog from the County of Waterloo
And I come with a waggling tail-o

My master had prepared me well
For several days he'd starved me
So I did not leave the table
When bigger dogs came 'round me

Another half a can was laid
Before me it was waiting
My nose dove down, I swallowed all
And my fame it was a-rising

Sing the story proud and true
Here boy! Here!
I'm a dog from the County of Waterloo
And I come with a waggling tail-o

Now, it wasn't long before the rest
The great ones tall and wide
The Danes and Labradors and such
Were standing by my side

My belly was already full
I thought I'd eaten well
But they put a whole can in my bowl ……
And my eyes the story tell

Sing the story proud and true
Here boy! Here!
I'm a dog from the County of Waterloo
And I come with a waggling tail-o

The game was fair; the dogs were fierce
I knew I could not cheat-o
And the first prize ribbon dangled in
The haze and the heat-o

And every mutt around me
Was as big as Timbuktu
And who was I but a weiner dog
From the County of Waterloo?

Sing the story proud and true
Here boy! Here!
I'm a dog from the County of Waterloo
And I come with a waggling tail-o

I'm sure you've heard the ending
And I'm sure you know it well
Every dog in Ontario
Can howl the hearty tale

They say I am a hero
They say I put to shame
But they only have some trouble
When they try to say my name

Herman the German Sniffer Dee-Dee-Pie Boopsie Honey-Boobles Stupido Cupido Carroll the First Esquire from Breslau …..in the County of Waterloo

Sing the story proud and true
Here boy! Here!
I'm a dog from the County of Waterloo
And I come with a waggling tail-o
Woof…..