There's a song written by Mercedes Lackey and Leslie Fish, Copyright Firebird Arts and Music, Inc., probably, submitted without permission.


F.A.P. (FELINE AMERICAN PRINCESS)
As recorded by Mercedes Lackey on "Magic, Moondust, & Melancholy"

Aren't I kind to allow you to live in my house?
Aren't I gracious to grant you the use of my chair?
Aren't I wonderful when I give you a dead mouse?
Aren't I utterly, totally, beyond compare?
And don't you admire the virtues you see?
In marvelous, lovely, magnificent me--ow,
Me-e-e-ow-wow-wow, me-ow, me-e-e-ow.

I will carefully shed just selected dark hair
When I'm lying on all the white laundry you did;
And the white hairs will go when I bother to lair
On black velvet, where they can't be brushed off or hid.
They look so much better that way, you'll agree!
They'll remind you of lovely, magnificent me--ow,
Me-e-e-ow-wow-wow, me-ow, me-e-e-ow

If you try to insist that I live on dry food,
I will either look thin, and pathetic and sad,
Or I just might do something disgusting and rude,
Such as eat it, then throw up all over your bed.
Only chicken, and liver, and fish, naturally,
Are fit for the palate of marvelous me--ow,
Me-e-e-ow-wow-wow, me-ow, me-e-e-ow

I really don't understand why you should look
At anything else or have things in your hands,
So I'll patiently lie on your papers or book
To suggest that you treat me as my rank demands.
You really should pet me when your hands are free.
It's a privilege to fondle magnificent me--ow,
Me-e-e-ow-wow-wow, me-ow, me-e-e-ow

Or just when you're maddest at something I've done,
I'll go do something else that's so touching and sweet,
That's so charming, adorable, silly, or fun,
It'll just knock the stockings clean off of your feet.
You know you can't win, so why fight it, you see?
You know you're* a sucker* for marvelous me--ow,
Me-e-e-ow-wow-wow, me-ow, me-e-e-ow.
You know you're* a sucker9* for marvelous me!

- - - * Roll the R's to suggest a purr.