BG, here's the version that I got from my Nova Scotian buddy, Vince Morash. I wonder who actually wrote it?

ANON From Nova Scotian singer-songwriter Vince Morash – 11/11/95 Tune English Traditional: "All Around My Hat"

I'M GONNA DROWN MY CAT

 C           G           C       F/C         G      G7 
  I'm gonna drown me cat, or-r smother it with a pillow,
               C    G     G7 C         F   C      D       G 
  It's pissed all a-round me flat, and it's gonna have to pay;
        G7           C            F                     G 
  But I'm not in-to cruelty, so when I'm done dis-secting it,
       C      G        C         F G  G7C 
  I'm gonna send the pieces to the S–PCA.

So fare ye well, wee puss, ye've piddled once too often,
I'm off to buy a dog, who's good and well behaved;
Ye never discriminated, the place where ye urinated,
So "Rest in Pee" shall be the epitaph on yer grave.

To get ye potty trained, I've struggled till me strength,
Just like yer bladder drained – over walls, rugs and chairs;
Yer metabolism's booming, ye produce more than ye're consuming,
It's really quite beyond belief – so-o, pussy, say yer prayers.

I'm gonna buy a bat, made of the finest willow,
I'll put ye out with that, end me troubles with one blow;
But I pity poor St. Peter, for when he comes to greet ye,
Ye'll wait till he's not looking, then ye'll piss through his halo!

See you in Kennebunk on Saturday afternoon.