Here's the humble offering of TGG -- no sniggering now, I worked really hard on this ;-) (oh, go ahead . . . ) -- One point of clarification for you younger 'Catters, however; the 'bright white Maria' (pronouned 'mah-rye-uh') is a not-so-veiled reference to the 'Black Maria', which was a term that was used (at least here in Texas) for the 'paddy wagon' or the vehicle in which one was hauled off the to hoosgow (read 'jail').

I hope all of you like this rare venture of mine into the realms of genius in which my dear Challenge!rs rule completely . . .

Whoopee Tie Him Up
(Tune: Whoopee Ti Yi Yo)

The alarm went off in the firehouse that mornin',
So the fellas and I rolled the ladder truck out,
'27' the code, a nut on a rooftop,
It was business as usual, without a doubt.

And what to our wondrin' eyes should appear,
When we pulled up close to the hospital wall,
But a baldin' Long Ranger, as nekid as noon,
Swingin' two stethascopes and having a ball!

Chorus:
Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
They're haulin' your spittoons right outa the door,
Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
The shrink and his hypo are rarin' to go!

Well, we spread out the jump net and cranked up the ladder,
Played 'scissors and stone' to see who'd go this time,
Wouldn't ya know, I lost the last round, so
I pulled up my boots and I started to climb.

It was when I reached the top of the ladder,
I saw a sight that I cannot forget,
There was Dr. Testa, the famous brain surgeon,
A real 'Looney Tune', I was willin' to bet.

Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
They're haulin' your spittoons right outa the door,
Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
The shrink and his hypo are rarin' to go!

He aimed his six shootin' stethascopes right at me,
Pulled 'em outa his holster, held up by his paunch,
The nurses there cringed when he raised his bandana,
And puckered, his next spew of 'backy to launch.

'Hold on there, Cowboy,' I said to him slowly,
'I got sumpin' here that you just might enjoy,'
With tremblin' hands and a dribblin' mustache,
He took my can of Red Man like it was a toy.

Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
They're haulin' your spittoons right outa the door,
Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
The shrink and his hypo are rarin' to go!

We climbed down that ladder, the bestest of buddies,
Though the view of his rump put me straight off my lunch,
I waved as he rode off in the bright white Maria,
And he grinned as the dip of my chaw he still munched.

Well, I never did hear what became of the Doctor,
'Yosemite Sam', compleat in the raw,
I still think of him kindly, that OR Lone Ranger,
And hope that he's gettin' his share of good chaw.

Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
They're haulin' your spittoons right outa the door,
Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
The shrink and his hypo are rarin' to go!

-- Áine