Webby

Hope these do the trick ????

A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young attractive woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheseborough Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline. She certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, the answer was "yes". Asked how she used it, she said "to assist in the performance of sexual intercourse." The interviewer was amazed. He said "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always lie and say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge. But we know that most use it for sexual intercourse. "Ma'am, since you've been so frank, would you please tell me exactly how you use it?" Sure! We put it on the bedroom door knob to keep the kids out.

On Christmas Eve, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."