My first wife was a non-musician and was jealous of the time and care I gave to being a musician. Now I'm married to a musician I met when she joined a band I was in. We ended up leaving that band and performing as a duet. Gigs are easy to arrange because we have the same social calendar, and we have about the same commitment to the music. She is very understanding if I disappear for hours to work on a new tune. Our fans pretty much know we're married and we play on the spouse thing in our stage banter.

Downsides include not having anyone at home to take of the cats and plants when we go on the road; neither of us being willing to take a good paying job that would preclude getting time off to go on the road; and the ability to talk each other out of practicing (we don't miss practices when we are working up things with other people). We spent a few years learning how to keep marital clashes out of the music and musical disagreements out of the marraige.

The warnings that others have given about endangering a functioning band by risking a messy break-up are worth keeping in mind. I thought about that when I started courting Anna, but quickly decided that there was not much chance that, having met her, I wouldn't be getting married to her. It seemed like a sure thing, so I risked all the potential unpleasantness. We've been performing together for 18 years now.

John