The Mystery Decongestant
(Tune: The Rigs o' Rye)

Twas in the month of sweet July
When pollen fills the sultry sky
From fields of rapeseed and of rye
From hayfever I was suffering

My lass said "Laddie, your nose is red"
"Catarrh and mucus have filled your head"
To the medicine chest she then me led
To seek a cure for my ailments

She cried "Aha! this is what you need!"
"A decongestant supreme indeed
Although the label I can't... quite... read..
Get this stuck up your nostrils!"

A nostril then I quickly chose
And breathing in, received a dose
The other aperture of my nose
was soon treated likewise

Although my congestion it did not quell
In other ways I felt quite well
In fact I'd say it made me ...swell
It made me quite astonished

My lass was pleased I'd recovered so,
Off to bed she made me go
And I replied "My dearest, no."
Unless you're coming with me

My ardour took her by surprise
Indeed she could not believe her eyes
AS normally my readiness dies
When stricken with any illness

It served us well for many a day
We'd sniff and sniff and away we'd play
The inhaler expired, I'm sad to say
But Vick's just wasn't the same

Now I've searched the pharmacies far and wide
For every inhaler they can provide
But Although my nostrils are clean and wide
I've never found another

Cheers

SD