The Ballad of the Sam Goody Shoplifter
tune: Snoopy vs. the Red Baron

(Chorus)
10, 20, 30, 40, 50 or more
That shopliftin' fiend is rollin' up the score
80 CD's were the awful spree
Of the shoplifting champ of Sam Goody

After the turn of the century
In the North District Plaza Sam Goody
Came a steady trickle of unpaid CD's
Goin through the door in someone's BVD's

Down at the mall, a shoplifting chump
Reynolds Wrap plastered to her pale white rump
80 cd's walked out through that door
Of the hi-tech protected Sam Goody store

(Chorus)

Now Bob of the Mall Security Guard
Was a funny looking guy with an NRA card
He stuck to that store like a postage stamp
But the lifter nicked another (curses foiled again!)

(Chorus)

Now Bob he swore he'd get a foolproof plan
So he asked the high-tech geeks 'bout the door-guard scan
They told him about the tin-foil trick
While Bob was laughin, another CD was nicked

(Chorus)

Then the Colorado Legislature made a fix
And allowed Bob to apprehend all crinkle-rumped chicks
The lifter lifted once and then she lifted twice
Then Bob heard that tin-foil rustle in her panties, out o' sight!

(Chorus)

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.